I’m lovin’ it!


Yes, today I’m going to talk about that insane franchise that is McDonalds (MC), the one that tastes so great and pumps grease directly into my veins, they’re probably not “lovin’ it” as much…

After the cockblock that was the Highrocks, the first job I managed to get back in the real London (not 64Km away) was a McDonalds in Holborn Station, I believe that in today’s time, everyone born between the 70’s and beyond is required to work in a MC as part of a rite of passage into manhood wtfhood.

I won’t loose time telling the gory details this time as I want this to be a much lighter-mood post then the previous one. Besides cleaning the toilets, restocking tissues, cleaning the toilets, restocking straws, cleaning the toilets, cleaning tables, cleaning the toilets, replacing the trash bin, cleaning the toilets, mopping the floor, cleaning the toilets, and taking out the trash containers in the back alley, there isn’t much to know. That IS IT if you’re working the lobby, I have no idea about the kitchen or the till/cashier since I’ve never done it, but it looks just as miserable for 5,95£ an hour.

Oh, and I wasn’t fuckin’ around with that “cleaning the toilets” thing, it’s literally mandatory to check once every 5 minutes, 12 times p/h. If I ever get to see another MC toilet again it will be too soon. It’s ungrateful work, and let’s leave it at that.

Now, what I learned in MC during my 3 weeks there was the following:

  • – If your menu includes some type of cabbage or salad in your burger, that cabbage will – guaranteed – end up in:
    1) In the floor for me to clean up.
    2) In the tray for me to clean up.
    In no circumstance whatsoever, will that cabbage go inside your mouth, hence your body.
  • – If you asked for sugar to put in your coffee, that sugar will never find it’s way into the coffee, it will go onto the tray… for me to clean.
  • – If your burger has a tomato slice, that tomato will be on the floor.
  • – If you asked for ketchup, half of that ketchup package will be part of the table decoration, the other half in your burger.
  • – If you asked for any other sauce (barbecue; sweet&sour, etc), you will take the small lid off, full of sauce, and stamp it on the table, for me to clean up.
  • – If you asked for french fries, 1 of every 5 fries will see the sole of your shoe instead of your stomach.
  • – If you got to the WC; As a man, you will leave a small spot of crap on the toilet, for me to clean. As a woman, you will leave a paper-trail of toilet paper on the floor, for me to clean…
  • – If you go to the WC to wash your hands, you will spill water into the floor, next, you will step on it with your dirty shoes to stain the floor. Yes, I’ll clean it…
  • – If you see me mop the floor of the restaurant, you will step on the wet clean floor instead of going around, furthermore, you might even pretend I’m not there.
  • – If you see me switching over a full litter bin for a new one, you will stand around looking at me waiting for something to happen instead of moving on to the next one or leave the tray in the table.
  • – You know that last situation I mentioned about the tray and the litter bins? It will never happen, you will always leave the tray on the table. Along with that half of the ketchup package smeared around the table, the tomato on the floor along with 7 fries, and the cabbage and the sugar all over the tray.
  • – If the MC where you went has another floor, and after getting your menu you decide to go up or down to eat, you will spill your drink on the stairs, for me to clean up.
  • – If you are a hotgirl/boy and approach me for conversation, it will always be to find out if the Wi-Fi is free.
  • – If you have kids with you, you must multiply all the factors mentioned above by 3 times per kid. I’t ok, I’ll clean it up.
  • – If you have been on a night out and drinking with your friends, the moment you vomit will be on a MC establishment.
  • – And finally, when you are finally about to leave MC, after spilling your drink, shitting the toilet and  leaving your dirty tray on the table, you will once again step on the wet floor I just fucking mopped.

And that is what you will learn about MacDonalds if you ever feel the mental-suicide need to apply there, I know I did!

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